| All have a dream of perfection, of the perfect mate | | | | As people wait and long for this perfect lover, they |
| who will understand their every need before they | | | | cannot see the person who is in front of them. That |
| say it and match their inner image of woman/man at | | | | person becomes only someone to fill up time, until |
| their best. This person is the perfect complement, | | | | the perfect person appears on the scene. When |
| able to bring out his best, free the person from | | | | people leave this kind of secondary relationship, they |
| inhibition; someone they will be proud to be seen with | | | | may not feel as though they're leaving, because |
| in the world. | | | | they've never really been there in the first place. |
| Some might say that this is really a search for the | | | | They've never had the chance to really know if this |
| Holy Grail. Others might suggest that clinging to this | | | | person could have been right for them or not. |
| image of perfection is a defense, preventing a real | | | | When a person is seen simply as an extension of |
| life person from being able to win the seeker's heart. | | | | one's identity, then seeking the perfect woman is |
| The yearning for the perfect mate manifests itself | | | | really seeking perfection in oneself. A person who |
| differently, and has various consequences in a | | | | lives this way is skating on thin ice. Only a strong |
| person's life. Some realize what they're feeling. Others | | | | sense of self, based upon inner values and self |
| are entirely unconscious of what is going on inside. | | | | respect will permit a person to create a solid |
| I was looking for perfection," said Hans, "I would only | | | | relationship that will last through time and grow richer |
| go out with extraordinarily beautiful women - models, | | | | and fuller, rather than blow away in the wind. |
| women like that. Then, when I met someone who | | | | Hans continued, "I finally just got completely bored |
| seemed to fit the bill there was initial crush and a | | | | with it all. I don't know if it was age, or if I was just |
| certain period when it kept up. e. Then she got on | | | | becoming more aware, but I never had a feeling of |
| my nerves.I would suddenly start to realize little | | | | fulfillment, no matter how many women I had. |
| things that they weren't perfect; her skin, way of | | | | Finally I met someone who was better for me. This |
| talking - really superficial, silly things. From that | | | | was a completely different situation from my other |
| moment, I was basically leaving them all the time. | | | | relationships. Probably though, I had to change and |
| One of the powerful aspects of waiting for the | | | | grow, so I could meet and appreciate a person like |
| perfect lover is the belief that the person will always | | | | my wife. |
| stay exactly the same. Based upon an image, rather | | | | Hans had to go through a period of emptiness, and |
| than reality,we believe that this person can never be | | | | depression as he realized the unreality of his search. |
| touched by the ravages of time. But when we seek | | | | An image brings only temporary pleasure. It can |
| an image, rather than reality, inevitably things fall | | | | never bring fulfillment. In order to find real love, Hans |
| apart. | | | | started to work on himself, to meditate, take long |
| Each person has their own specific dream of the | | | | walks, and find what was important in his life. As he |
| perfect lover or mate For some she's beautiful, | | | | did this, he was taking responsibility for making |
| sexual, unconditionally loving, giving him whatever he | | | | himself happy, finding his own core. As he felt better |
| wants. She seldom talks back and gives little trouble. | | | | about himself, he felt better with others as well. |
| She is there predominantly to glorify him, reflect on | | | | Soon he began to appreciate the different women |
| his manhood and sexual prowess. Who she is as a | | | | he met for who they truly were. From this vantage |
| person is secondary. Not only is it secondary, in many | | | | point it became easy to find a relationship that would |
| cases her personality, ambitions and individuation | | | | truly nourish both of them. |
| seriously get in the way. | | | | When we make someone else into an image, we are |
| For others the perfect lover is tough. She'll challenge, | | | | simultaneously doing the same to ourselves. An image |
| stimulate, perhaps even abuse. She's there to make | | | | can never bring happiness; only a real flesh and blood |
| him toe the line, perhaps reminiscent of his childhood | | | | person who we respect and admire, can do that. |
| experiences with a strict parent. | | | | |