| Do you ever feel that it takes more work, more out | | | | better than walking around numb?" Sometimes they |
| of you emotionally, to live a conscious life than it did | | | | give in and admit that they like living in an aware and |
| to live less-than-consciously? Many years ago I had a | | | | awakened state. Sometimes they give me the look |
| T-shirt made with the saying, It's A Bitch Being | | | | that lets me know I'm skating on thin ice, that their |
| Conscious. I wore it on the first day of my Journey | | | | answer just might be a resounding "No!" if I weren't |
| Into Ecstasy workshop intensive because I could | | | | so chipper. |
| count on it to evoke instant, knowing laughter from | | | | I can relate. I like the temporary high that blaming |
| all the participants. | | | | and playing the victim provide so well. Blaming feeds |
| So why do we do it? Why do we keep working on | | | | my ego and playing the victim allows me to relinquish |
| ourselves when it takes so much effort, when we'd | | | | responsibility for my life. Who wouldn't say, "Bring it |
| sometimes rather be zoned out, pour a cold one, light | | | | on!" |
| up a joint or cigarette, or grab the remote? Why do | | | | But once the high leaves, I'm stuck with all my |
| we put ourselves through seeming torture for no | | | | hangover symptoms: depression, lower self-esteem, |
| guaranteed rewards, sometimes paying a hefty price | | | | helplessness, and hopelessness. I wake up and see in |
| for the privilege of doing so? Are we just masochists | | | | the mirror someone who traded the excitement of |
| disguised as seekers and healers? Is ignorance | | | | possibility for the drudgery of inevitability, someone |
| perhaps, if not the best policy, at least a better one | | | | who is stuck in a rut, reading from a very boring |
| than relentless self-examination? Who is it that said | | | | script, complaining often and loudly. I see someone |
| that the unexamined life is not worth living? A lot of | | | | who, while familiar, is less than admirable. |
| people might disagree. | | | | Kicking and screaming, or at least whining, I stop the |
| I know that I'm supposed to answer these rhetorical, | | | | chatter and remind that face in the mirror what the |
| "teaser" questions for you in this paragraph. I'm | | | | goal of consciousness is: happiness. I tell myself that I |
| supposed to justify and validate all your hard work, | | | | am more than the sum of my fears, self-judgments, |
| the money you spend on coaching, therapy, | | | | and limiting beliefs. I quiet the chatter long enough to |
| workshops, and books, the courage you've mustered | | | | hear my spirit's whispers. And when I persevere, I do |
| to face your demons. But you know, I don't know | | | | occasionally stumble onto great and unexpected joy. |
| why anyone does it. | | | | More often, I find myself feeling at least a small |
| When my coaching clients express how hard this | | | | measure of peace. I'm grateful for that. Is it all worth |
| work sometimes is all I can do is smile, agree, and | | | | it? I guess each of us needs to answer that question |
| cheerlead. I say things like, "Doesn't clarity feel better | | | | for ourselves. |
| than confusion?" "Doesn't feeling your emotions feel | | | | |